This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
