and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
