I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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