Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
