he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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