So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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