dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
