I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
