I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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