if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
