How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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