god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
