I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
