do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
