Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
