both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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