So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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