i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again