We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.