if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.