Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE