It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..