she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.