I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it