nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
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Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.