I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
