Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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