Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
