Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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