he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
