I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
