ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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