I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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