Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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