she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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