i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
