I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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