i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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