watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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