I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
