his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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