Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
