And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
