then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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