Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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