The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I have feelings that need drinking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
