YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Your penis caused this!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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