woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
