You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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