I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
