we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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