I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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