Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
