I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
