So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
