I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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