It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
