1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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