I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
