2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize