it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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