please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
