News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
