I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
