I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
