he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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