the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize