apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
