He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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