Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
