I hope mine doesn't look like that
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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