mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
